hanging in...

i have lots to write about but i'm exhausted - shocker,right?!? it's 1:37 am and i obviously should be in bed but since it's my last night of "spring break" (aka "the last morning i don't have to wake up at 6:30 am"), i'm "taking advantage" of my natural night-owl hours. oy... i so wish spring break wasn't ending! i love my job - really, i do - but it's so nice being OFF. FREEDOM to do what i want to do. love it!

we went to b'ham for Passover and it was, overall, a decent trip. A was well-behaved which was such a blessing! he seemed to enjoy being there, too (see photo - he loved swimming in my in-laws pool!). my MIL was fairly decent except for one crazy zinger. we are like oil and water... wow. anyway, i ate what i wanted - whatever i wanted, for the most part (didn't binge, though, just "gave in" to cravings) - for 3 days straight. it felt so... good... and "bad" at the same time. since i was eating really well on plan B the week before i managed not to lose any weight (actually lost a half a pound) so that was a relief. since we've been back, i'm back up to about 2000 calories a day. nothing too crazy but not where i was pre-trip (around 1500 calories a day). i hope to be back on track once spring break is over (in 1 day)! well, routine is good for eating purposes, at least. i hope to start walking again at night, too.

i've been shopping like there's no tomorrow. i'm LOVING it. i'm a size 14 or 16 pants (depending on the brand, fit, etc.) and a size 14 top and dress. i'm still buying XL tops even though i fit in most L tops. i have extra skin above my hips, though, which show if the top is form-fitting. :( i finally bought a new bra today - 38C - even though i'm prob. more like a D - i feel like my chest hasn't "shrunk" too much. last time i lost weight, it really did so it's kinda odd. however, i have lost a significant amount on most other areas so i'm not complaining... too much, that is.

that's about it. oh, A has been stuttering again which worries me. he stuttered for about a month almost 2 years ago and then it went away... now it's back... and my husband is a recovering stutterer (even though he says he still stutters, i never notice) and it is genetic. so... that's been on my mind. i'll probably see if it goes away in the upcoming weeks - if not, i'll look into it. it's always something!!! besides that, 4 has been great so far - knock on wood, i hope i didn't just jinx it! A has been much more cooperative and less tantrum-y. very thankful for that. he's such a sweetheart - he's my heart - there are no words for the love that we have for each other. anyway... i hope to post again soon AND i hope to start losing an average of 2 pounds a week again! would love to lose 10-15 more pounds before my brother's wedding on 6.18!

Plan B (& other news)

well, i have written a TON of blog posts recently... in my head,at least! unfortunately, they have not made it to paper in recent weeks due to incredible busy-ness (that's a word, right?:)), exhaustion and not enough hours in the day - or, more accurately, in the night since i'm a night owl. ;)

overall, things have been... pretty good. fortunately, i got over my "slump" shortly after i wrote the last post. knowing that my "baby" was turning 4 made me very emotional, esp. since i don't know if i'll be having more children (which i'm currently completely undecided about... and i think about this ALL.THE.TIME.). sigh. i took most of the day off (from work) on his birthday on march 28th. it was a really good decision as he was SO HAPPY when i surprised him by coming home from work shortly after he woke up, with 8 balloons (his favorite) for him. he was so thrilled that he even let me take my photo with him (he usually hates it when i take pictures since i take soooo many)! See photos above... his smile made it all worth it! i also got to surprise him at school when he celebrated his birthday there and he loved his birthday cake that night. it turned out to be a very special day... as the last 4 years with him have been filled of. he really is the love of my life. we love listening to that song by car.ly si.mon together... which is used to sing to him when he was a baby. he told me on his birthday "mommy, you're the love of my life". sooo sweet, that child is. usually!!! actually, minus our trip to tar.get yesterday, when he was terrible (ugh), 4 has been great... knock on wood.

in other news... i am continuing to lost 1 pound a week eating 1800-2000 calories of bars/yogurt and eating out once a week. i'm very active in the sense that i move around a lot and i'm never sitting still for long - so that has been a blessing. i've also started walking a few times a week. however, i would like to lose 2 pounds a week so i'm cutting my calories down to about 1400 a day. i'm officially on "plan B" now where i eat lunch & dinner (real meals! usually le.an cui.sines or tuna) and have bars/yogurts for breakfast, a snack after work and a snack before bed. i'm feeling MUCH less hungry this way and it's nice to eat again. :) i do feel "in control" which is great. however, the saying "don't have it in the house" couldn't be more true! since i can technically eat "real food" now, i've bought reduced fat/calorie potato chips, ch.ex mix, chocolate graham cracker gold.fish, etc. i've also bought honey-roasted almonds (good protein) and i bought pe.eps yesterday (lots of sugar but no fat/few calories). the problem is these are mainly salts/sugars and even though 1 serving is okay, i usually have trouble stopping at 1 (shocker, right?). so i end up eating 200 calories (at least) worth purely due to emotional eating and the fact that i'm craving salt these days. so i'm going to have to stop buying these items. for now, at least. besides that, program B has been great.

so that's the scoop over here. overall, not too many complaints (knock on wood). hope all my readers are doing well, too... i plan to catch up on my blog reading next week (spring break - yahoo)!!! have a good day, everyone!!! :)

p.s. will update weight chart later - i'm down 108.5 now!

- sleep + stress = :o(

the title of my post says it all -- not enough sleep PLUS added stress has equaled to an anxious/overwhelmed me. not too terribly surprising, i'm turning to food to self-soothe/regulate my emotions (thank you, GW, for that expression!). fortunately, i'm not binging or even eating anything "off plan" (besides the occasional v-day chocolate yesterday) but i've continued to eat 5-6 proteins bar AND 5-6 yogurts a day instead of my usual 4. as a result, i was up a pound last week (most likely due to water retention from lack of sleep - but still) and i'm more likely maintaining instead of losing. plus (no pun intended!), i feel slightly "out of control" (food-wise) when i'm eating more than i should. some of it is really due to pure hunger and some is more emotional and raw. when i'm tired, i'm literally hungry. and i've been tired A LOT due to my increased work schedule (now working full-time for the 1st time in 4 years) and the fact that A has a cold and has been very clingy (esp. at night - coming in to my bed several times a night) since i started back to work FT. so my numero uno emotion today is EXHAUSTION.

following behind a close 2nd is GUILT... a nasty emotion, one of the therapists noted at GW last week. i feel VERY GUILTY for working FT and not seeing A in the mornings all week (not till 5-6 pm each night). i feel VERY GUILTY for not picking A up earlier at night b/c i try to sneak in a nap (due to the lack of sleep - see numero uno) before picking him up. i also feel guilty for sleeping a lot this weekend (catching up on sleep) instead of being with him more. :( as a result, he was TERRIBLE last night. one of his worst evenings yet. very attention-seeking (such as purposely peeing on the floor), wild (throwing things), not affectionate, yelling, demanding, etc. which of course makes me want to spend even LESS time with him when he is so obviously crying out for MORE time with me. i feel guilty even writing that but it's the truth. I LOVE MY CHILD MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THE WORLD!!! sometimes it's hard, though. and very worrisome when he's acting out so much. :( i'm trying not to overthink it YET since this is still a new transition (the working FT thing) and just hoping for better days/nights ahead.

speaking of which, i need to get ready for work. hopefully i won't jinx it when i say that is going well (knock on wood). last week was School Counselor Week and i received the sweetest cards from my students. my principal bought me a lovely fruit arrangement and attached a really nice note. i do love my job and if i have to work FT, i'm definitely happy to be at my current job. it's the working FT part that's difficult - or, more precisely, NOT having monday & wednesdays "off" that's hard. sigh. all right - will stop complaining now - thanks, whoever is out there reading, for listening to my rants & raves...

one more thing -- on a positive note, my blood work was GREAT last week. all my tests came back normal, i'm not at all anemic anymore (hard to believe i ever chewed ice - such a classic anemia symptom, though), and even my "good" cholesterol is better even though the dr. said that number is "false" since i'm on such a low-calorie diet now. whatever, i'll take whatever good news i can get. :)

Food is no longer my friend & other updates

Hello all! Happy (very belated) New Year!!! I have missed writing here so much! Been incredibly busy with the holidays, trip to CA, getting back into the routine/work, etc. The good news is that I'm still doing really well with the program. I "celebrated" six months on the program this past weekend and am down 91.6 pounds, officially. Here are some other highlights:

-- Holidays were difficult, in terms of food. I LOVE BAKED GOODS and one of my students baked the most delicious "snowflake" and choc. chip cookies for me - YUM! I had 1-2 little cookies a day and a few "tastes" of other "holiday" foods for a few weeks in December. I even ate very fattening food - but in moderate amounts - at a holiday brunch one morning. It was the most "tempted" I had been since starting the program. My strategy of just having "a little bit" worked, though... this holiday season, at least. Very, very cool.

-- We went to Palm Springs, CA to meet up with my brothers at the end of the month. It was great spending time with them even though A was a MESS being outside of his "comfort zone" (home). He was overtired, overstimulated, overeverything most of the time which caused a ridiculous amount of stress for me. Food-wise, I did great, if I do say so myself. :) I ate out 1-2 meals a day - which I had planned to do - and had protein bars/shakes/yogurt the rest of the time (kinda like Plan B, I imagine). I made HEALTHY CHOICES the entire time (grilled chicken wrap sandwiches, salmon with veggies, frozen yogurt, etc.). It felt really great - eating what I wanted, for the most part - but choosing healthy items. This was HUGE for me (no pun intended) and hopefully a sign of future success of keeping the weight off. Hopefully.

-- I've come to realize that food is no longer my friend - both good & not-so-good news. A has been awesome - for the most part - since we've been back. However, he had a meltdown when I picked him up yesterday. Not sure what it was about - probably need for attention/boredom - but, once again, it really upset me and sent me a mini panic attack. I realized that I didn't want food then or even afterwards, when I was feeling a bit better. I realized that even if I had eaten (binged), it wouldn't have lessened the anxiety I was feeling - well, maybe for a minute but that's about it. I guess food can no longer dull my anxiety and pain. Which is great BUT it was a real comfort for so long... it's like swimming without a lifejacket - or something like that!

I'm running late for work so I need to end this post. I'll be back soon, though! :)

no words

i am feeling so incredibly terrible/scared/depressed. i wish it was only because i ate 3 (or 4?) holiday cookies today & some other very-fattening-brunch-food at a friends' holiday gathering. and even though i wish i hadn't (i should've stopped at 1 cookie and eaten before we went to the brunch) that is definitely not why i'm upset. i wish that was why and not because of A's behavior today - well, all week. but let's start at today.

at the brunch today, A was with some friends that we've had (from a mom's group - 7 moms, including me) since he was 6 months old... however, he only sees the kids about once a month/once every other month. anyway, he was fine - almost lovely, actually - the whole time. i wanted to leave THEN - when all was going well - as i had this terrible intuition that we should leave NOW in case his behavior changes - especially since his "nap time" had approached and i could tell he was beginning to get overtired. so... as we were looking for his coat, ABOUT TO LEAVE, A attacked one of the little girls. OH.MY.G-D. the little girl was just sitting nicely, playing, when A went up to her and basically attacked her. he just pushed/shoved into her really hard. i immediately ran over and told A to apologize. instead A proceeded to kick her and then hit her. OH.MY.G-D. i picked him up and he started flailing & hitting me. keep in mind that this is in front of EVERYONE - all the families. i get him to the car and he calms down a bit. i had him go back in to apologize and he does, loudly, and when he hugged the little girl he did so too tight and they fell. he was then loud & obnoxious as were leaving (but in control). i am still having trouble breathing. really. i am speechless. the whole ride home S and i were trying to figure out why he would attack the little girl (who was fine but shaken up - he didn't actually hurt-hurt her but that's so not the point). S said he suddenly got angry. i just don't know what's going on. he was in a good mood and the little girl wasn't doing anything. he had played nicely the whole time. he used to be like this but hasn't been aggressive towards kids, at all, for at least six months. so why this happened is so scary. my heart is beating fast and i'm having trouble regulating my breathing - i'm just so upset and bewildered by his behavior. my only explanation is that it was nap time and he was overtired. the boys were also playing tackle football (not my idea) just a few minutes before so he could've been hyped up from that. and if he had tackled one of the boys, it would've made more sense. maybe he didn't mean to hurt her - maybe he was just playing - but then why would he proceed to hit/kick her??? I just don't f'ing get it. he has been aggressive/defiant towards S and i all week which has been very upsetting. but now towards another child? i just don't know. i'm so scared that something is "wrong" with him. he's 3.5 years old - so he's still "young" but it just seemed like such abnormal behavior. it was.

i think i'll stop there. of course i hope this was one single incident and he won't start being aggressive at school. OH.MY.G-D. i can't even go there. i have to try to get past this. i'm really having such a very hard time right now. on the plus side, the last thing i want to do is eat. i just want to crawl in a little ball until i have a guarantee that he's "okay" and that the aggression will stop. but i need to go to him now instead. very thankful that S was with him the last few hours so i had time to nap & sort my thoughts. i just wish my thoughts weren't so upsetting. :(
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on another note, i gained a pound this week. probably from that dessert bar that i overate at last saturday night. and the fact i had an extra protein and yogurt most days this past week. definitely not my biggest concern now. wish it was!

long overdue update

i don't even know where to begin! i think i'll write highlights in bullet points to help me organize my thoughts:

- so i've had ridiculous insomnia for a week now. i have been sleeping 2-3 hours a night (usually up around 3 or 4am for the day). i'm napping whenever i can which probably helps reinforce the cycle. it really has begun terrible. on days that i work (like today) i feel like i'm in a fog all day. i really enjoy my job so that helps - and i manage to stay energetic - but it's VERY hard to get any paperwork done on so little sleep. i just have way too much on my mind. i'm going to ask dr. f about a sleeping pill on thursday.

- speaking of dr. f and gw... program is going well. i ended up going off plan for 4 meals the week of thanksgiving and still ended up losing weight (4 pounds in 2 weeks is probably the best measure - i went in the sat. morning after thanksgiving and was down but you're always less in the morning - then again, i started the program on a morning). ANYWAY -- i'm down anywere from 79.8 pounds to 80-something which is a little frustrating b/c i can be a bit obsessive about numbers (helpful, i know). long story short, i'm using my thursday night weights for my "weight tally" on the right side. hopefully i'll "officially"hit 80 pounds (or more) on thursday night.

- i find it ridiculously cool that i could go off the program for some meals thanksgiving week and not lose weight and, MORE IMPORTANTLY, not begin to binge or eat-out-of-control. this is HUGE for me (no pun intended). i had that cupcake a few saturdays ago, grilled salmon & cauliflower mash (half portion - i sent half back) at dinner with holly that tuesday night, thanksgiving dinner (i had everything but had small portions) on thursday and t'giving leftovers on friday (once again, small portions). i stayed "on plan" (bars, shakes, yogurts) in between those meals. i really did not feel the urge to binge or eat everything in sight even though i wasn't 100% on track for my plan. this is REAL LIFE, though. i seriously want to be able to eat out like a "normal person" (whoever that is) once or twice a week and be able to maintain my weight. that being said, i plan to stay on plan completely until our trip to california at the end of the month.

- staying on plan this week has usually meant eating an extra bar and/or yogurt each day. mainly because when you're up most of the night, you get hungry. also, when i'm extremely tired i literally am starving. another reason to get the sleep issue under control.

- i'm beginning to love buying clothes again. and having my photo taken. this is awesome.

- on a "lower note", A has been REALLY acting up the past few days (well, on and off). it's stressing me out more than i could ever express. he's 3.5 and still has tantrums - which are aggressive - they have always been (his tantrums). they don't last long and they were really weaning off (is that the right expression??) until recently. however, he had a huge meltdown on wed., sat. and yesterday... all which included hitting/biting/kicking me or S (husband). it really upsets me. keep in mind that he is the sweetest, most lovable & affectionate child the majority of the time. he went through a stage like this when he was 2.5 and i'm hoping that's all it is. i'm always afraid that there's something "really wrong" and i start to panic which is another reason for the insomnia.

- my husband and i have been getting along a little better the past few weeks. he's so tense though. he's going through a really tough time at work which of course is very upsetting for me, too. so between A and S and all of their issues, i feel like the weight of the world (or, more specifically, my family) is on my shoulders.

- i AM thankful that even with all this stress, i'm able to control my eating... i would've been eating everything in sight 5 months ago with all this going on.

-- speaking of 5 months ago, it will be 5 months since i've been on the program in 5 days (5 apparently being the lucky number here). originally i was only going to do the modified fasting program that i'm on for 4 or 5 months and then transition to a more "regular" food intake program (still at GW). however, i think i'm going to stay on the program until the end of december. my blood work is good (knock on wood) but my hair is beginningto fall out. i DO have a lot of hair so i'm not too concerned. yet. i'd love to knock off 20 more pounds (which would bring my total to 100 POUNDS - HOLY S&8T!) before switching to the less intense program. from there i would probably like to lose another 20- 50 pounds but one day at a time, right?

Think that's about it for now (big sigh). Thanks for allowing me to vent, blogger friends. It really has helped. Here's hoping I can stay awake/alert today AND sleep well tonight. overall, i'm hoping for a much better day for A and S, too.

*overdue* week-in-review

sorry for the lack of posts this week... busy, tired, busy, tired... guess the usual...


i had raging PMS until yesterday morning when "aunt flo" came. i usually don't get too many pms symptoms but i REALLY had it this time... migraines, irritability, fatigue (esp. on saturday night) and HARD-CORE CRAVINGS. wow! i was really getting worried that i wouldn't be able to do "plan A" any longer due to the cravings... then i realized it was probably pms and was hoping that's all it was. i had a FEW extra yogurts/protein bars AND a whole bunch of honey-roasted nuts (which is my husband really shouldn't be buying now)... i got up to almost 1200 calories 3 or 4 nights in a row. i also had my first "real meal" in almost 3 months... a vegetable/low-fat cheese 333 calorie egg-beaters omelet at sil.ver din.er with my friend rachel & her family. i'm really glad i made such a healthy choice but, of course, i'm really not "supposed to" get off the plan. but this is REAL LIFE and i'm only on the plan for 5 more weeks and then i'll have to eat a healthy dinner every night. anyway.... i was back on track (nice rhyme, huh?) yesterday - well, except for the 1 extra yogurt. i'm definitely going to GW this week - hopefully tomorrow - but i may skip the weigh-in b/c it'll just depress me AND i'm ridiculously bloated right now (thanks again to "aunt flo"). i also have mind-blowing cramps which i really hope subsides SOON since it promises to be a busy day at work...and it hurts to move right now. =( at least i'm not nauseus (yet?) like last month.

i did go into GW this past thursday - can't remember the total lost - but it is recorded on the side where i keep track of my weight loss. i do know my total was 55.4 - or it was, at least! i feel like it's slowed down a bit - the weight loss rate - but i'm thankful for every pound lost. i need to - no, i WILL - start walking and/or going to the gym!!! met with dr. F.... he said i am still anemic but definitely not as bad as i had been.

better get ready for work. i probably should've blogged this weekend when i was overeating (well, for this program, at least) to gauge my emotions at that time. it really was hunger (pms-related, for the most part), though. however, i have been feeling very GUILTY for not spending more time with my precious little love, A. also, S and i have not been getting along and i've been feeling some annoyance/anger toward him as a result. so i'm sure that had something to do with it, too. ANYWAY - here's hoping for a calmer, more peaceful week. speaking of which, my mom should be coming home from China tonight, G-d willing. can't wait to see her. i've missed her so much!!!

ROUGH... with an UPDATE at the end

the past 24 hours have been somewhat difficult. Yesterday was the 1st day of Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year, and I woke up exhausted with horrible cramps from "my friend Flo". The first day or two of my period is usually pretty uncomfortable but yesterday was OUT.OF.CONTROL. I spent the first 12 or so hours doubled over and then I threw up on 2 separate occasions last night (sorry for TMI!). I don't think I've ever had such bad cramps and I certainly don't ever remember being nauseous with it (I'm definitely not pregnant, either, even though it feels like I am)!

To make matters oh-so-worse Adam LOST.HIS.SH*T at my mom's house last night, in front of her boyfriend & his daughter. After being an angel all day, he started knocking stuff down and being a little terror. For real. It was awful & left me very upset... I'll leave it at that.

I'm leaving for work in a few minutes. I don't even know if I slept 3 hours last night. The cramps are not as bad today but I'm still a little nauseous and so emotionally & physically drained and exhausted that I'm seriously counting the hours until I can take a nap this afternoon. I can't take off work/leave early since I did that yesterday (for RH) and it's the first week of school.

At least it's Friday, right?!?

UPDATE: (caution: I'm about to write some pretty gory details about my upset stomach)...
So, about 20 minutes after I wrote this, when I was literally about to leave for work, I threw up the water I had drinken (lovely). I managed to get to work, walked in and thought I would pass out right then & there. Told the administrative intern that I was sick (so thankful he's cool) and went back in the car for the 14 minute ride home. Promptly 7 minutes later I threw up IN THE CAR WHILE DRIVING. I had a bag, at least. Made it home (Thank you, G-d) and decided that I had Toxic Shock Syndrome (TSS). Called the nurse at GW and she said it was a possibility and that I should be seen by a Doctor. Had S take off work to drive me 45 minutes to see my doctor (in case I got sick in the car again; can't be that safe)... by that time, my low-grade fever was gone and I was feeling a bit better. TSS was ruled out (shocker, right?) due to my unusually HIGH blood pressure (probably b/c I'm sick.... anyway, it's low with TSS) and lack of fever. Declared it a stomach bug and gave me some Zol.fran to help with the nausea (it has but has left me a little out of it). So, there you have it. What a way to start the (Jewish) New Year! Oy! I just hope and pray that S or A (or my mom) don't get it! I also hope I feel better to go to GW for my weekly appt tomorrow.... I'm out of food (almost) and I miss the classes. Here's hoping!!!

week 8 update

My little love, A, starts preschool - officially - tomorrow. he'll be at the same school that he's been in for the last 2 years... but with a different teacher and mostly new classmates. we're BOTH nervous!!!

This could be why i'm so flippin' hungry tonight! gum is a lifesaver, though... i'm on my 2nd piece and it's helping to curb my cravings. shocking considering i never chewed gum until a few weeks ago.

One really cool part of losing weight is i can be in pictures again! even though i HATED (OMG) how i looked in photos for 3 years now -- and avoided them at all costs -- i still would take a pic of A and I together every month or so. i once read on a blog that kids want to see pics of them with their parents... regardless of how the parent looks... which i totally agree with. the great thing is now i ASK for steven to take my picture! such a change!

Above is a before/after "sitting down" pic with adam... the first pic was taken in june (pre weight loss) and the 2nd pic was taken yesterday (-43+ pounds down). pretty.freakin'.cool... if i do say so myself. =)

Overall, as I'm wrapping up week 8, I'm feeling very, very thankful. Thankful to G-d for giving me the strength to do this, thankful for GW's phenomenal program & thankful for family & friends who have loved me throughout... thick or thin (literally).

On a HIGH....

I am beginning to feel GREAT!!! Here's why:

* I'm feeling healthier, lighter, etc.

* Today one of A's teachers commented that I've lost weight... and when I went to dinner with some friends, they were beyond complimentary... made me feel like I've lost 100 pounds (not yet).

* I fit into capri pants so I can wear them to the work retreat on Wed.... yay!

* I had S take some pics tonight.... not only do I look lighter, I look HAPPY (see above)

* I'm beginning to feel & look like ME again after 4 years! Sweet!

And... one thing that makes me a little nervous...

My thyroid meds have been reduced... hope that doesn't slow down my loss!

P.S. I'm beginning to "document" my weight loss in pics on the right side of the blog!

Down on Main Street

I keep listening to the Bob Seg.er song,"Main Str.eet"I absolutely LOVE that song. I first "discovered" it when I was a senior back in high school, back in '93! My high school was on Main Street so this song always makes me nostalgic. It's a pretty cool song and helps me calm down when I'm feeling FRAZZLED AND STRESSED like I am now!!!

My 3-year-old, A, is sick. He has a terrible canker sore... or at least the Dr. thought that was all it was (with a slightly red ear and throat) on Monday. However, I found out today that 2 kids in his class have Hand, Foot and Mou.th disease.... so how coincidental is that? I'm sure that's what he has even though he doesn't have any other symptoms (fever, sores on hands, feet, etc.). Who knows. Spoke to the Dr. on call tonight and she said canker sores or H F M... both viruses and there's nothing you can do. Sigh. Adam is f'ing miserable!!! He can't eat, at all... 3 days now! He can sip juice or milk from a little straw, Thank G-d, but that's about it. He cries out in pain throughout the night (he's slept in our bed the last 3 nights) and will cry out in pain throughout the day. It's really lovely. Today he flippin' LOST IT for over an hour... just crying... hysterically... there was no reasoning with him.... it's like he lost his mind or something. Finally I convinced him to drink some juice and milk... and then, Thank G-d, he felt better and calmed down. Even played football with Daddy for an hour. Anyway, the whole thing has really gotten me on edge.

I also got a "welcome back to work" e-mail from my boss.... work starts back on Wed. We are having some time of retreat/outdoor activity the first day back. I need to wear shorts. I haven't worn shorts in 6 or 7 years. OMG. I'm also not really in shape, to say the least. And there's a bitg luncheon afterwards... we have to order now... I guess I'll just order a salad and pick at it. To say I'm already stressed about this is a very mild understatement.

I guess as a result of all the above, I'm HUNGRY tonight. I know it's more emotional hunger but it's hunger none-the-less. I'll be okay... just hoping my little love feels better tomorrow... and that it's a better day, overall. I have GW tomorrow so that will be good. I missed going today... I really like the Wednesday groups... hopefully I'll enjoy the groups tomorrow, too. Until then...

17 lbs in 13 days!

So... I lost 4 lbs. this week... which makes a total of 17 lbs in 13 days -- actually 11 days from when I started the diet. Not tooshabby! Of course, I wanted to lose even more weight today - like my husband joked, I would've liked to have lost another 13 lbs. this week! I just have sooo much weight to lose -- actually, I would like to lose exactly 99.5 pounds from my weight today. But I need to be patient -- I've been basically binging for 3 years so it will probably take a year to lose it... and, hopefully, I will.

Still loving the program. Went to 2 group classes today and they were both awesome. I just love the leaders (psychiatrists and psychologists) and most (well, some) of the people are interesting. A lot of the people are a lot older (in their 50s & 60s, it seems) and not to be age-biased but I just can't relate as well. There were 2 young girls (prob. in their early-mid 20's) in the 2nd session... but they only had about 15 lbs. to lose... so, on that level, it's hard to relate to them, too.
Only problem is I'm really low energy -- probably due to my terrible anemia. I made the decision for A to go to Montessori every day now which I feel TERRIBLY GUILTY about. I'm just having trouble keeping up with him these days... especially since he rarely naps now... so it's a very long day. That being said, I absolutely LOVE being with him -- he's my everything and I love and adore him more than I could ever express. However, I need to focus on ME... I have to. I have 1 month b/f heading back to work (3 days a week) and August is crammed with GW appts and classes, dentist appts and I'm finally seeing an ob/gyn about my lovely fibroid. I'm also on a mission to get our house totally organized which is a HUGE JOB. Another issue is that I don't sleep much at night (maybe 4-5 hours) and then I nap (3-4) hours each day. I need to, obviously, change this... especially since I read that getting less than 6 hours of sleep a night can actually be a huge risk factor for diabetes and heart disease.

Anyway, that's about it for now. I'm definitely loving this program and it feels soooo great to be IN CONTROL again. I wish I joined the program 2 years ago like I wanted to but... better late than never, right?!?