maintaining (not on purpose!)

still here... just maintaining... only 3.2 pounds less than i was 5 weeks ago... definitely due to the fact that i'm still eating (at least) 6 protein bar/yogurt servings a day instead of 4. mainly this is due to fatigue and stress which makes me feel SERIOUS HUNGER most hours of the day. ugh. dr suggested taking a prescription appetite suppressant (sp?) but i'd rather not. really do want to lose 20-50 pounds (yes, that's quite a range!) more. i'm still 8 pounds away from a "overweight" bmi instead of "obese". hopefully by april! if i could only stop eating so many f'ing bars a day!

off to work...

week in review...

i was able to go to the "clinic" (as "insiders"call it, haha) again this morning which was great. i went to 3 groups... wow. i think i'm a lot happier than the average patient there. even when i was really big (and really unhappy/in denial about that) i still was a relatively happy person. it's hard not to be when i have the most precious & loving child who loves me SO MUCH regardless of my weight... in fact, he's the only person who hasn't made one comment about my weight before or after. aah, the beauty & unconditional love of an (almost) 3.5 year old boy!!! =)

i weighed less this morning (i think 2.4 pounds less than i did on wed.) which didn't surprise me since it was a morning weigh-in. the really cool thing is that i looked at my blood work from this week & last. the "liver test" (forgot what it's called) is supposed to be between 10-40 (don't quote me on the "10" part) and mine 1.5 weeks ago was 140 which is why dr. f was so concerned. on wed. it was 44, only 4 points from normal. the really exciting part is that my ferritin (iron) level is FINALLY NORMAL!!! it was a 10 - the minimum normal but a huge increase from the -1 it was 2.5 months ago! yay! my hematocrit (iron in my blood, i believe???) went from 25.2 (very close to needing a blood transfusion - who knew?) to 34.6 (35 is the minimum in the range - i'm so close)! so, i'm *barely* anemic, if at all, anymore. yay yay yay! i was really concerned about it. the biggest notice is not a huge change in energy (sadly) but the fact that i don't crave ice like a mad woman like i did a few months ago (a common symptom of anemia). my triglycerides were also *almost* normal -- 155 with 150 being the maximum in the range. cholesterol has always been fine but i still need to bring up my "good" cholesterol... need to start working out to do that. anyway, it felt great to see this labwork. let's hope it contiues. =)

on another note, i've been much hungrier - especially in the evenings - for the past 3 nights. it's so annoying. hard to tell if it's emotional eating and/or true hunger. i had an extra bar 2 nights ago and an extra yogurt last night. been eating lots of pickles and chewing gum. wish/hope that this "feeling to eat eat eat" will resolve quickly.

and that about wraps up my "week in review, weight-loss edition". =)

Hungry Days - UPDATE

Ever since I started back to work (a week ago tomorrow, 3 days a week), I've been MUCH HUNGRIER... the hungriest I've been since I started this program.

It feels like physical hunger but I'm sure there's some "emotional hunger"mixed in. I ate more than 1/2 a jar of pickles today (I'm supposed to have 5 spears a day for the sodium) and that helped for the most part. I also nibbled a bit on A's chicken for dinner -- just a few bites, but still. I'm just... hungry. Ugh. I would love to eat anything I want now.... just eat & eat & eat.

I've felt very "challenged" on the program the last few days. I'm sticking to the plan (literally) but I don't want to! I want to EAT... and not healthy things either... just being honest here.

Hopefully it will get easier.
UPDATE: I ended up eating the whole huge jar of pickle spears. Oy. and I chewed 2 pieces of gum and I never chew gum....

Down on Main Street

I keep listening to the Bob Seg.er song,"Main Str.eet"I absolutely LOVE that song. I first "discovered" it when I was a senior back in high school, back in '93! My high school was on Main Street so this song always makes me nostalgic. It's a pretty cool song and helps me calm down when I'm feeling FRAZZLED AND STRESSED like I am now!!!

My 3-year-old, A, is sick. He has a terrible canker sore... or at least the Dr. thought that was all it was (with a slightly red ear and throat) on Monday. However, I found out today that 2 kids in his class have Hand, Foot and Mou.th disease.... so how coincidental is that? I'm sure that's what he has even though he doesn't have any other symptoms (fever, sores on hands, feet, etc.). Who knows. Spoke to the Dr. on call tonight and she said canker sores or H F M... both viruses and there's nothing you can do. Sigh. Adam is f'ing miserable!!! He can't eat, at all... 3 days now! He can sip juice or milk from a little straw, Thank G-d, but that's about it. He cries out in pain throughout the night (he's slept in our bed the last 3 nights) and will cry out in pain throughout the day. It's really lovely. Today he flippin' LOST IT for over an hour... just crying... hysterically... there was no reasoning with him.... it's like he lost his mind or something. Finally I convinced him to drink some juice and milk... and then, Thank G-d, he felt better and calmed down. Even played football with Daddy for an hour. Anyway, the whole thing has really gotten me on edge.

I also got a "welcome back to work" e-mail from my boss.... work starts back on Wed. We are having some time of retreat/outdoor activity the first day back. I need to wear shorts. I haven't worn shorts in 6 or 7 years. OMG. I'm also not really in shape, to say the least. And there's a bitg luncheon afterwards... we have to order now... I guess I'll just order a salad and pick at it. To say I'm already stressed about this is a very mild understatement.

I guess as a result of all the above, I'm HUNGRY tonight. I know it's more emotional hunger but it's hunger none-the-less. I'll be okay... just hoping my little love feels better tomorrow... and that it's a better day, overall. I have GW tomorrow so that will be good. I missed going today... I really like the Wednesday groups... hopefully I'll enjoy the groups tomorrow, too. Until then...