funnel cake!

so, yeah, i had funnel cake on saturday. one of my all-time favorite foods. we were at a "family fun day" and i split it with S and A, at least. and i didn't binge afterwards - or even want to. just trying to wrap my head around the fact that i can occasionally have "treats" and that i'm not being "bad".

in other news, still maintaining (i think - will go to GW on thursday for the first time in 2 weeks). i'm weighing myself at home every day on an old scale. it's kinda freaking me out since it fluctuates so much. i'm still eating more calories than i should/need to - prob. about 2000 a day. hoping to change that to 1500 as i want to lose 10 pounds before i'm a bridesmaid in my brother's wedding in 6 weeks! i lost 100 pounds in a little over 6 months and it's been exactly 3 months and i haven't even lost another 10 pounds (9 to be exact). frustrating! especially since it's ME - i'm the one eating more. ever since i've gone back to work full-time. sigh. well, at least i'm IN CONTROL - not binging - and not gaining weight. this summer i really truly hope to lose the last 20-30 pounds. sigh.

that being said, i am very (very!) thankful and grateful to be at the weight i'm at. to be able to wear cute clothes and feel confident and like myself. it's AWESOME.

the latest...

Once again, where to begin? I guess at the beginning, it's a very good place to start... apparently, I have "The Sound of Music" in my head. :) Anyway...

Last week was SO BUSY and I have a feeling it's going to be this way until winter break (which starts next Wed. for me - Yahoo!). As a result, I had that terrible insomnia last week which, thank goodness, "cured" itself on Friday night for the most part. Since then, I've been sleeping 4-5 hours stretches at a time, going to bed earlier, and usually able to fall back asleep if I've woken up at 4 in the morning (usually due to A climbing into our bed at that time). So, that's definitely a positive.

When I went into GW last week, I was happily surprised to see that I lost 4.2 pounds which puts my total at 84 - at almost 5 months from my starting date. WHEEE!!! Very, very cool!!! I was super excited as I've never lost this much weight before (and will hopefully never have to do so again) let alone in such a short timespan. It is kinda incredible, I have to say. The coolest part is probably clothing and feeling more confident (besides feeling lighter, being healthier, etc.).

I have always been a huge "clotheshorse" (do people even use that expression anymore?!?) and when I hit my heaviest weight this summer (unpublishable until I hit 100 lbs. gone!) I seriously could not fit into anything except super baggy tops and elastic skirts. Fortunately, Dress Ba.rn has really nice & comfortable plus size clothes so I fit into 2 of their dresses, as well. However, everything still felt tight. I hadn't worn pants or jeans since I had been pregnant (mid-late 2006, early 2007). Winter clothes were terrible since I had to wear skirts in the freezing cold. I felt bad and I know I didn't look too hot either. NOW, I can FINALLY wear PANTS again!!! Yahoo!!! I am the proud owner of 2 pairs of cords from Tal.bots and 1 pair of Le.vi's jeans! They are a size 20 BUT I fit into an 18 (but they were clearly too tight). Most importantly, I think I look halfway decent in them (hopefully) and they're WARM and COMFORTABLE. Sooo nice! I can now fit into almost any top/shirt. I'm still buying 2x b/c I really love being able to feel clothes a bit loose on me as it's been SO LONG since I've felt that. Now when I go places, I don't feel "huge". It's the best feeling!

All that being said, I am not at my lowest weight, not nearly. I am still about 35 pounds heavier than I was when my husband met me 11 years ago... and a whopping 55 pounds heavier than my "thinnest" weight (when I was a size 10). I am only about 15 pounds heavier, though, than my "usual" comfortable weight which gives you an idea of how incredibly heavy I got in the past 3-4 years. What's interesting is that most of my local friends & all of my current co-workers have only known me to be extremely overweight... so, to them, I'm "skinny"... if that makes sense. I literally hear about my weight 2 - 5 times a day. From EVERYONE. Even some teacher at A's school who I've only seen in passing. I'm glad that my husband (S) gets where I'm coming from ; he's actually been great about the weight loss. He's complimentary (and relieved!) but not to the point where I feel like all I am is a "weight" to him... if that makes sense at all. He doesn't talk about my weight 24/7 (he never did). Which I kinda like b/c sometimes I feel that all I am is my size... whether it's morbidly obese or 84 pounds thinner. This probably doesn't make any sense at all which I apologize for... it's hard to put these thoughts & feelings into words.

Moving on... S and I attended a black-tie affair, the "Moonlight Ball", with my Mom and Marty on Saturday night. I have to admit that I felt AWESOME in my purple dress (size 18)! I was going to buy my usual black dress but saw the purple dress, which was marked down significantly, and loved the color & neckline... see photos above. The ball itself was kinda boring which I feel guilty saying, but it was! I was also a little tired and in a grumpy/negative mood. Not sure where that was coming from. I know I was annoyed at S but for no "real" reason. So, to be honest, the night itself wasn't all that great. Regarding food, I ate some appetizers (baba ghanoush - yum!) but didn't overdo it. I ordered the vegeterian entree which was some nasty tofu. Grosssssssssss. So, I made up for it during dessert. I kinda went nuts. They had a dessert buffet with a chocolate fountain and fresh fruit. And pastries. Lots of pastries. What can I say? I ate dessert until I felt sick. In retrospect, I don't think I ate THAT much (the equivalent probably to 1, maybe 2, dessert portions) but for me it was obviously a lot. Ironically enough, the "me" 6 months ago would've eaten the equivalent of 5 desserts. Anyway... I did love the chocolate fondue strawberries and jelly cookies... and promptly felt quite ill about 10 minutes after eating them... and kept feeling ill for 24 hours afterwards! Seriously! It felt like a "sugar hangover". I was nauseous and felt achy for an entire day afterwards. Which I guess is a sign that I can't overeat sugar/fat anymore. Which is possibly a good thing. Now will that stop me at another black-tie affair with a dessert bar? Probably not... time will tell. Fortunately, I was able to go right back on program yesterday without a problem. I hope I didn't gain weight from Saturday night - I know I'll be discouraged if I do - time will tell.

I think that's enough for now. If you've read all this, I'm impressed - and thankful for your interest! ;) More again, hopefully soon!

4 months ago...

wow. 4 months today i weighed exactly 73 pounds more than i do now.

incredible. absolutely amazing.

i am so beyond thankful that i found my program when i did, i really believe it has been a literal lifesaver in every way. i have found myself again. i am slowly (well, not that slowly) but surely peeling off the "fat suit" that i was stuck in for 3 years. i'm at my lowest weight in 4.5 years. loving it! still have a long way to go (ideally, i would like to lose 50 more pounds) but i am feeling sooo much better (except for the anemia - i still am anemic - sigh. the rest of my lab work from last week came back fine.)

other things in my life... not so great... mainly marital issues that are too complex to get into here. let's just say that losing weight doesn't change/fix everything (except i feel much better/healthier/attractive so that has to count for something, right?!?).

anyway, overall i'm definitely excited and feeling in control. it's a GREAT feeling!!!

for the newest "after" picture, look to the right... personally, i don't see any difference from the -60 pound photo - actually, i think i look BETTER in the -60 pound picture... but whatever. today was veteran's day (thank you, vets!) so i'm sporting the red, white & blue (didn't change yet from work)! i won't be able to wear that skirt again... it was literally hanging off of me. the shirt was too big, too. i'm so excited to fit into clothes, though, that i'm reluctant to buy/wear smaller sizes!

SIXTY

I hit SIXTY pound today (well 59.7 but close enough!)... very,very cool!

3 months on the program today.

Feeling the best I've had in years... at my lowest weight in 4.5 years. Loving it!!!

Can you tell which pics are before and which are after? =)

2 months!!!

I've been on the program for exactly 2 months now! I am ECSTATIC about the following (in no particular order):

-- my bmi is no longer in the "morbidly obese" range

-- i've lost almost 50 pounds (48.4)

-- my blood pressure is normal now (usually)

-- my blood sugar is normal now

-- i've gone down 3 sizes in clothes which means i'm beginning to wear much cuter clothes again ;)

-- i'm beginning to feel like myself again and not me stuck in a fat suit

-- i can walk much faster

-- i can go up the stairs without losing my breath

-- i'm much prouder of myself... i have so much more confidence now

-- i'm in control. again. finally!!!

the last 2 months have been close to miraculous. i feel like this program is literally a lifesaver. i don't know what would have happened if i hadn't joined when i did (actually, i do and it's not pretty!) . i am very very thankful for this wonderful program and for my amazing family & friends who have been there for me through it all, thick and not-as-thick. ;)

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on another note, i started feeling MUCH better yesterday, Thank G-d. Not sure if it was a stomach bug or complications from my period??? Just glad I'm not sick anymore. Was able to make it to GW (lost 4.8 lbs this week) and attend 2 classes. I really need to start talking less in the classes... I just get so excited & can relate so well to what everyone's saying... it's hard to shut myself up some times... but i will *try* to!!!

Beginning to see "me" again....

June 2010... and August 2010

Guess I really HAVE lost weight!

Funny, I got blonde highlights tonight (not on purpose but I like them... so weird to have anything "blonde" on me) and I had the receptionist at the salon take a picture... which I posted on my FB account. I got about 20 comments saying how great I look... wasn't really sure WHY, I mean it's just ME and I don't even think that picture is that great. However, my mom really loved it and, believe me, she would SO tell me if she didn't! So, I was going through pictures taken from a few months ago. There aren't that many since I was so big and didn't feel like me... like someone stuck in a huge fat suit that WON'T COME OFF without GREAT EFFORT, SWEAT AND TEARS. Guess I was right about THAT. Anyway, now I can see why everyone is making such a big deal (no pun intended)... I really do look significantly "less" and less is more, right? =)

Another positive... I was able to walk FAST, comfortably, in the mall tonight. Haven't been able to do that in a looooong time!

So why do I feel like EATING now? Probably b/c I feel happy and I equate happiness to food.... like in order to celebrate feeling good, I should eat... to celebrate. Just another feeling I'll have to work out in the months ahead.

On a HIGH....

I am beginning to feel GREAT!!! Here's why:

* I'm feeling healthier, lighter, etc.

* Today one of A's teachers commented that I've lost weight... and when I went to dinner with some friends, they were beyond complimentary... made me feel like I've lost 100 pounds (not yet).

* I fit into capri pants so I can wear them to the work retreat on Wed.... yay!

* I had S take some pics tonight.... not only do I look lighter, I look HAPPY (see above)

* I'm beginning to feel & look like ME again after 4 years! Sweet!

And... one thing that makes me a little nervous...

My thyroid meds have been reduced... hope that doesn't slow down my loss!

P.S. I'm beginning to "document" my weight loss in pics on the right side of the blog!

26 pounds in 26 days!

I lost 7.4 pounds this week (unbelievable!) which brings my total to 26.4 lbs in 26 days.

YAHOO!!!

Lots more to write in the upcoming days!

19 pounds less... & lab results

This was going to be a long post, one that i carefully prepared in my head during my metro ride home... but since it is 3:36 in the morning (YIKES!) and I'm about to pass out from pure exhaustion (had insomnia again last night/during nap time), I think I'll do this entry in bullet points (which is better than these long run-on sentences, don'tcha think?). Here goes:

* Went to GW (love that place!) to get weighed and meet with the incredible Dr. F. The good news is:

-- I lost another 2 pounds, bringing my total to 19 pounds in 2.5 weeks (since I actually started eating the food)

-- My blood pressure was the best it's been in forever: 125/85... yay!

-- Got my blood work back from Saturday... great news is that my blood sugar dropped from a borderline 101 to a very acceptable 87. HOORAY! Also, my triglycerides dropped from a very scary 290 (yikes) to 187... only 37 points above the range... MUCH better than before. =) My cholesterol, which was fine before at 187, dropped to 135. However, my "good cholesterol" dropped, too, and it was already super low to start with. So that's not good. At all. I really need to start working out to bring that number up.

-- My iron levels went up a tad... well, the "iron stores" went from -1 to 5 so that's an improvement. But my hemoglobin and white blood cell count and all these other lovely CBC(?) ranges were totally off. Which is kinda scary. Even though the numbers were slightly better than they were last month... except for my white blood cell count which WAS okay last month. Huh. Bottom line: need to take the iron pills twice a day even though they make me incredibly nauseous. =( I'm also seeing an ob/gyn for the first time in 2 weeks (don't judge... I really have neglected my health in all ways!). Dr. F thinks it's my uterine fibroid that may be the cause of losing blood which equals low iron. If that's the case, I'll probably need to get the fibroid out asap. My boss is going to LOVE that. One thing at a time, right?

-- Headed to Ocean City tomorrow. Staying with my mom and her "significant other". Should be an interesting trip...esp. since I'm staying on the program and can't fall back to my crutch, food. I've NEVER EVER EVER "dieted" on a vacation before so this should be interesting. Especially since I love crab legs dipped in butter. Um, yum. BUT i can always go to Red Lobster (or wherever) at any time so I should be okay.

-- Did I mention my 35th birthday is on Saturday?!? I'm wishing for GOOD HEALTH for me and my family this year!

-- One last note: Just curious if anyone is reading this blog? If you are, leave a comment... anonymous is fine! =)