hanging in...

i have lots to write about but i'm exhausted - shocker,right?!? it's 1:37 am and i obviously should be in bed but since it's my last night of "spring break" (aka "the last morning i don't have to wake up at 6:30 am"), i'm "taking advantage" of my natural night-owl hours. oy... i so wish spring break wasn't ending! i love my job - really, i do - but it's so nice being OFF. FREEDOM to do what i want to do. love it!

we went to b'ham for Passover and it was, overall, a decent trip. A was well-behaved which was such a blessing! he seemed to enjoy being there, too (see photo - he loved swimming in my in-laws pool!). my MIL was fairly decent except for one crazy zinger. we are like oil and water... wow. anyway, i ate what i wanted - whatever i wanted, for the most part (didn't binge, though, just "gave in" to cravings) - for 3 days straight. it felt so... good... and "bad" at the same time. since i was eating really well on plan B the week before i managed not to lose any weight (actually lost a half a pound) so that was a relief. since we've been back, i'm back up to about 2000 calories a day. nothing too crazy but not where i was pre-trip (around 1500 calories a day). i hope to be back on track once spring break is over (in 1 day)! well, routine is good for eating purposes, at least. i hope to start walking again at night, too.

i've been shopping like there's no tomorrow. i'm LOVING it. i'm a size 14 or 16 pants (depending on the brand, fit, etc.) and a size 14 top and dress. i'm still buying XL tops even though i fit in most L tops. i have extra skin above my hips, though, which show if the top is form-fitting. :( i finally bought a new bra today - 38C - even though i'm prob. more like a D - i feel like my chest hasn't "shrunk" too much. last time i lost weight, it really did so it's kinda odd. however, i have lost a significant amount on most other areas so i'm not complaining... too much, that is.

that's about it. oh, A has been stuttering again which worries me. he stuttered for about a month almost 2 years ago and then it went away... now it's back... and my husband is a recovering stutterer (even though he says he still stutters, i never notice) and it is genetic. so... that's been on my mind. i'll probably see if it goes away in the upcoming weeks - if not, i'll look into it. it's always something!!! besides that, 4 has been great so far - knock on wood, i hope i didn't just jinx it! A has been much more cooperative and less tantrum-y. very thankful for that. he's such a sweetheart - he's my heart - there are no words for the love that we have for each other. anyway... i hope to post again soon AND i hope to start losing an average of 2 pounds a week again! would love to lose 10-15 more pounds before my brother's wedding on 6.18!

Plan B (& other news)

well, i have written a TON of blog posts recently... in my head,at least! unfortunately, they have not made it to paper in recent weeks due to incredible busy-ness (that's a word, right?:)), exhaustion and not enough hours in the day - or, more accurately, in the night since i'm a night owl. ;)

overall, things have been... pretty good. fortunately, i got over my "slump" shortly after i wrote the last post. knowing that my "baby" was turning 4 made me very emotional, esp. since i don't know if i'll be having more children (which i'm currently completely undecided about... and i think about this ALL.THE.TIME.). sigh. i took most of the day off (from work) on his birthday on march 28th. it was a really good decision as he was SO HAPPY when i surprised him by coming home from work shortly after he woke up, with 8 balloons (his favorite) for him. he was so thrilled that he even let me take my photo with him (he usually hates it when i take pictures since i take soooo many)! See photos above... his smile made it all worth it! i also got to surprise him at school when he celebrated his birthday there and he loved his birthday cake that night. it turned out to be a very special day... as the last 4 years with him have been filled of. he really is the love of my life. we love listening to that song by car.ly si.mon together... which is used to sing to him when he was a baby. he told me on his birthday "mommy, you're the love of my life". sooo sweet, that child is. usually!!! actually, minus our trip to tar.get yesterday, when he was terrible (ugh), 4 has been great... knock on wood.

in other news... i am continuing to lost 1 pound a week eating 1800-2000 calories of bars/yogurt and eating out once a week. i'm very active in the sense that i move around a lot and i'm never sitting still for long - so that has been a blessing. i've also started walking a few times a week. however, i would like to lose 2 pounds a week so i'm cutting my calories down to about 1400 a day. i'm officially on "plan B" now where i eat lunch & dinner (real meals! usually le.an cui.sines or tuna) and have bars/yogurts for breakfast, a snack after work and a snack before bed. i'm feeling MUCH less hungry this way and it's nice to eat again. :) i do feel "in control" which is great. however, the saying "don't have it in the house" couldn't be more true! since i can technically eat "real food" now, i've bought reduced fat/calorie potato chips, ch.ex mix, chocolate graham cracker gold.fish, etc. i've also bought honey-roasted almonds (good protein) and i bought pe.eps yesterday (lots of sugar but no fat/few calories). the problem is these are mainly salts/sugars and even though 1 serving is okay, i usually have trouble stopping at 1 (shocker, right?). so i end up eating 200 calories (at least) worth purely due to emotional eating and the fact that i'm craving salt these days. so i'm going to have to stop buying these items. for now, at least. besides that, program B has been great.

so that's the scoop over here. overall, not too many complaints (knock on wood). hope all my readers are doing well, too... i plan to catch up on my blog reading next week (spring break - yahoo)!!! have a good day, everyone!!! :)

p.s. will update weight chart later - i'm down 108.5 now!

almost... "NORMAL"

My little love, A, is turning 4 in six days. OMG (more on that later). this past saturday was his "finding ne.mo" birthday party. the morning started out beyond stressful (there was a 5K going on at the site of his birthday with no entrance into the rec center - enough said) but everything turned out well. unfortunately, i was seriously S.T.R.E.S.S.E.D. throughout the whole party, though. too bad... :( but little love seemed to have a great time. another point of stress was that my size 16W Levi's kept falling down. i'm THRILLED that i'm now a size 14 jeans (YAHOO!) - but wish i didn't come to that realization during his party. in some pics you can actually see my pink underwear! yikes!!!

one super cool thing i noticed, though, is that i look somewhat "normal" in the photos (albeit tired)! i used to rarely allow my pic to be even taken and when it was... well, i looked pretty darn big... see photos above (for some reason, i can't move them to this paragraph - annoying!) of me in the first pic - in the black dress. it was taken in june 2008 - and that wasn't even at my highest weight. i look BIG, esp. next to my (admittedly very thin) friend. now, in the recent pics taken on saturday, i look somewhat "normal". i'm not "standing out" (literally) for being so large. even though, i must confess, i did zoom in the pic of me standing and analyzed "the fat rolls" that you could see in my apparently-too-tight-but-so-cute new gap t-shirt. anyway, it feels GREAT to look normal again and not stand out (even though my undergarments were - ugh)!!! it also felt great to buy 2 short, form-fitting dresses last week that are beyond cute.

About 10 pounds to go until my bmi changes from "obese" to "overweight". looking forward to that day. then it will really feel REAL (hopefully). i definitely feel like "myself" again. it's the best motivator yet (well, that and the cute dresses, haha). ;)

"ONE-DERFUL"

I got "ONE-DEFUL" news on Thursday -- I'm now in the 100's range! Well, 199.4 but I see the "1"! Yahoo! I am now revealing that I weighed 301.2 pounds when I started out on this journey on July 10... took a while to admit to myself, let alone the blogosphere, that number but i'm proud of how far i've come. i've told some close family & friend members along the way, too. nobody seemed that surprised that i weighed so much. guess it was obvious to everyone - everyone but me, ms. denial. ANYWAY -- hopefully i'll never see that number - or even a "2" - number again!

which may be tricky b/c all i want to do is eat, eat. eat! not junk but something. anything. ugh.

today was a SNOW DAY - awesome, awesome, awesome especially since A had school. we had the morning together and then i finally got to run some errands and catch up on some rest. Nice. i'm off to pick my little love up... more soon!

Oh, yes, I am wearing JEANS in the pic... size 16... SWEEEET! they are Levi's 16W - not sure if i would fit in the "regular" 16's yet... soon, hopefully! my goal is to get into a size 14 "regular"! :) Oh, and my husband is THE WORST PHOTOGRAPHER (sorry, sweetie, but it's true). or maybe i really did look this tired the other day. probably the latter!

101! 101! 101! 101!

I am very excited to say that I have now lost:

101 pounds!

Too tired to write more tonight... but had to share my excitement!!!

So, about that Journey to Jeans...

Guess what? Officially, my "journey to jeans" has ended as I bought my first pair of plus-size Le.vi's last month. I finally put this on last week, see pics above. I didn't actually wear them though until today. They were super comfy... and WAY TOO BIG!!! They literally were falling off of me and I had to keep pulling them up all day at work (Friday is jeans day). So embarrassing!!! I bought size 24 which, a few months ago, was way too big. I'm happy that I'm now a size 20 (I think) but it's still a little annoying since I just bought these jeans and they weren't cheap. Maybe I'll buy a belt. I really like my pants and jeans to be loose, anyway... it's a total comfort thing. The real "victory"will be when I fit into "regular size" (16 or -even better -14) jeans. When I was at my slimmest, 10 years ago, I wore a size 12 J.Cr.ew jeans. Those wore the days. Anyway.... it's still a little milestone. =)

In other news, I'm battling a terrible cold which has helped with cravings a bit. I lost 1.7 pounds since Saturday morning - sweet!

51.4 pounds later....and a sigh of relief

I love before & after photos... they really help motivate me to keep going....

I'm breathing a huge sigh of relief over here... talked to Dr. F today and my liver enzymes(?) are almost back to normal... Thank You, G-d!!! So I can continue on the program and, more importantly, I'm okay (hopefully -- knock on wood)!

I'm getting lots of nice compliments these days. Two co-workers this week told me that I'm looking"fantastic"... so sweet. Some days I really feel great and other moments... still huge... guess that's all part of this fun "game". Regardless, I am so very very very thankful that I've found such a wonderful program and that I've been able to control my eating for the first time in a very long, long time. The fat suit is slowly peeling off of me... and I'm beginning to emerge again.... cheezy but so true.

2 months!!!

I've been on the program for exactly 2 months now! I am ECSTATIC about the following (in no particular order):

-- my bmi is no longer in the "morbidly obese" range

-- i've lost almost 50 pounds (48.4)

-- my blood pressure is normal now (usually)

-- my blood sugar is normal now

-- i've gone down 3 sizes in clothes which means i'm beginning to wear much cuter clothes again ;)

-- i'm beginning to feel like myself again and not me stuck in a fat suit

-- i can walk much faster

-- i can go up the stairs without losing my breath

-- i'm much prouder of myself... i have so much more confidence now

-- i'm in control. again. finally!!!

the last 2 months have been close to miraculous. i feel like this program is literally a lifesaver. i don't know what would have happened if i hadn't joined when i did (actually, i do and it's not pretty!) . i am very very thankful for this wonderful program and for my amazing family & friends who have been there for me through it all, thick and not-as-thick. ;)

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on another note, i started feeling MUCH better yesterday, Thank G-d. Not sure if it was a stomach bug or complications from my period??? Just glad I'm not sick anymore. Was able to make it to GW (lost 4.8 lbs this week) and attend 2 classes. I really need to start talking less in the classes... I just get so excited & can relate so well to what everyone's saying... it's hard to shut myself up some times... but i will *try* to!!!

week 8 update

My little love, A, starts preschool - officially - tomorrow. he'll be at the same school that he's been in for the last 2 years... but with a different teacher and mostly new classmates. we're BOTH nervous!!!

This could be why i'm so flippin' hungry tonight! gum is a lifesaver, though... i'm on my 2nd piece and it's helping to curb my cravings. shocking considering i never chewed gum until a few weeks ago.

One really cool part of losing weight is i can be in pictures again! even though i HATED (OMG) how i looked in photos for 3 years now -- and avoided them at all costs -- i still would take a pic of A and I together every month or so. i once read on a blog that kids want to see pics of them with their parents... regardless of how the parent looks... which i totally agree with. the great thing is now i ASK for steven to take my picture! such a change!

Above is a before/after "sitting down" pic with adam... the first pic was taken in june (pre weight loss) and the 2nd pic was taken yesterday (-43+ pounds down). pretty.freakin'.cool... if i do say so myself. =)

Overall, as I'm wrapping up week 8, I'm feeling very, very thankful. Thankful to G-d for giving me the strength to do this, thankful for GW's phenomenal program & thankful for family & friends who have loved me throughout... thick or thin (literally).

On a HIGH....

I am beginning to feel GREAT!!! Here's why:

* I'm feeling healthier, lighter, etc.

* Today one of A's teachers commented that I've lost weight... and when I went to dinner with some friends, they were beyond complimentary... made me feel like I've lost 100 pounds (not yet).

* I fit into capri pants so I can wear them to the work retreat on Wed.... yay!

* I had S take some pics tonight.... not only do I look lighter, I look HAPPY (see above)

* I'm beginning to feel & look like ME again after 4 years! Sweet!

And... one thing that makes me a little nervous...

My thyroid meds have been reduced... hope that doesn't slow down my loss!

P.S. I'm beginning to "document" my weight loss in pics on the right side of the blog!

1st vacation that didn't involve eating, drinking and MORE eating!!!

We are back from Oc.ean City... which was, overall, a really nice vacation. I was kinda dreading it for several reasons... one being that I wouldn't be able to eat like I normally would. Ever since I was little, vacation = yummy, yummy food. My whole family is super healthy and my mom always cooked us healthy meals growing up with very little junk around the house. When we were on vacation, we were allowed to eat junk. I still remember how excited I was in Dis.ney World (age 9 or 10) when my mom enthusiastically bought my little brother and I Mick.ey Mouse ice cream pops (the one of Mickey's head)... I was so surprised! Since then, I think I have equated vacation to "eating all the junk you want". As a result, I wasn't sure if I would be able to have a nice vacation while on my program (ridiculous, but true). My birthday was also on Saturday and, of course, that's another day where I've always eaten whatever I have wanted PLUS tons of cake. So, needless to say, I was a little concerned.

Shockingly, I found out that I could still have a wonderful vacation without hoarding tons of fried food into my mouth... who knew?!? Of course, I would've loved some crab legs (mmm) or funnel cake... but those things aren't going anywhere... I'll have them again, one day. For now, my "special treat" was a kid-size 98% fat free frozen yogurt at TC.BY. My only question is why did so many TC.BY's go out of business?!? It's truly delicious! Anyway... it felt really great to be "in control" at the beach. Instead of gaining my usual 5-10 pounds during a vacation, I lost 7.4 pounds. NIIICE. One night I was feeling really frustrated... definitely in the mood to eat eat eat but I had a good cry with my mom instead. I'm learning ways/strategies to handle things... besides eating... of course, this usually involves shopping, but I'm working on it. =)

P.S. You see that birthday cake, up above? I only had 1 bite and really felt fine about it. Really. As corny as it sounds, I am seriously "choosing HEALTH" this year!