plateau

really quick post since i don't want to be late to work again... for some reason i have the most motivation to blog in the morning before work when i have literally 2 minutes to do so. anyway, i am plateau-ing for the first time since i began this"adventure" back in july. this is completely of my doing. long story short, i am eating waaaay more calories than i "should" if i were to lose weight. i'm technically still on plan A, which is bars/shakes/yogurts (with carrots & pickles thrown in for good measure:)) but instead of eating 4 servings of each a day, i'm eating 6-8(?) - i usually stop counting after 4! WHY is the big question. not exactly sure of the "answer" but here are some possibilities -

a. hunger - real hunger, not emotional (usually). my typical day begins at 6:30 and ends at 12:30 (or later - gulp) and when you're only eating bars/yogurts, you get HUNGRY every 2-3 hours. of course going to bed earlier would help with this. what doesn't help is that A hasn't been falling asleep until 11 (he's in bed by 10) and wants me with him until he's asleep. since he naps at school he literally can't fall asleep earlier. it kinda sucks. plus, when i'm tired (which is usually all day until i can nap), i tend to feel very hungry (which i read is biologically correct - if you don't get enough sleep, your hunger hormones (cortisol???) is"off".

b. boredom/stress/etc. - definite emotional hunger here. not to the extent where i'm craving junk or binging or anything like that - just craving food. i've been chewing A LOT of gum this month!

c. Dr. P's theory - the GW guru's theory that once you get to a weight that you're more satisfied with, you don't feel the desperation to "diet" as much (don't quote me here on this)... your motivation goes down as your weight goes down or something like that. makes total sense and i know that's what's happening here since this "plateau" started once i hit 100 pounds lost.

d. the "fear of success"/fat dependency, etc. - i don't think this is happening too much with me but it's a possibility as i'm getting smaller.

i would love to start working out but it's hard finding the time! unfortunately i can't go to GW tonight as i'm swamped getting the house ready for my in-laws visit tomorrow (yikes!). thanks for letting me"share" this morning, blog readers. all right, now i'm in a mad rush for work. happy thursday, everyone!!! ;)

"ONE-DERFUL"

I got "ONE-DEFUL" news on Thursday -- I'm now in the 100's range! Well, 199.4 but I see the "1"! Yahoo! I am now revealing that I weighed 301.2 pounds when I started out on this journey on July 10... took a while to admit to myself, let alone the blogosphere, that number but i'm proud of how far i've come. i've told some close family & friend members along the way, too. nobody seemed that surprised that i weighed so much. guess it was obvious to everyone - everyone but me, ms. denial. ANYWAY -- hopefully i'll never see that number - or even a "2" - number again!

which may be tricky b/c all i want to do is eat, eat. eat! not junk but something. anything. ugh.

today was a SNOW DAY - awesome, awesome, awesome especially since A had school. we had the morning together and then i finally got to run some errands and catch up on some rest. Nice. i'm off to pick my little love up... more soon!

Oh, yes, I am wearing JEANS in the pic... size 16... SWEEEET! they are Levi's 16W - not sure if i would fit in the "regular" 16's yet... soon, hopefully! my goal is to get into a size 14 "regular"! :) Oh, and my husband is THE WORST PHOTOGRAPHER (sorry, sweetie, but it's true). or maybe i really did look this tired the other day. probably the latter!

cupcakes, clothing & comments

Ahh, the holidays are upon us. They are my favorite time of the year (and I don't even celebrate Christmas!). I love the spirit, camaraderie, longer shopping hours & sales, holiday decorations, holiday cards and, of course, Christmas cookies (and all other carb-y & sugar-y) treats. Speaking of which...

I struggled a bit this weekend staying on the program. I made the mistake of signing the family up for "CUPCAKES & cocoa with the snow princess" at a local holiday event. BIG MISTAKE. Mainly b/c it was overpriced and lame (the "snow princess" was a 20-year-old dressed as a ballerina. I was expecting the snow princess from Do.ra!). The "event" was color a picture, pick out a cupcake and get your photo taken with the not-so-snowy princess. Lame-O. But, the cupcakes, wooooooooow. They were from George.town Cupcake which is the cupcake place featured on one of those food shows. And O.M.G. were they GOOOOOD. Have I ever mentioned that cupcakes are like my favorite food, EVER? Yep. We got to pick out 4- we had 1 vanilla cupcake/vanilla icing, 1 red velvet & 2 chocolate cupcake/vanilla icing -- my absolute FAVORITE combination. The icing was probably 2 inches tall and soooo good! The chocolate cupcake and red velvet one was outstanding however the vanilla cupcake wasn't that great. Now, how would I know this? By taking a "sliver" of each cupcake - which probably lead to about a whole cupcake eaten. Gulp. I felt terribly guilty afterwards AND upset at myself for not trying the chocolate cupcake with chocolate icing. Go figure. Anyway, I really did want to try these infamous cupcakes (still not as good as "Sprink.les" in Los Angeles) and it's not like I ate all 4 (which I totally would've done 5 months ago - and then drove to DC to get more!!!). I don't know how, in retrospect, I would've handled it. I knew what I was "getting into" when I signed us up for this event. I wanted to "try" one of the cupcakes. And I did. Game over. Or whatever. What I DID do was eat more the rest of the weekend. Nothing crazy, though. I forgot to pack bars on Saturday so I had the garden chicken salad at Chick.Fil.A (180 calories with a little bit of non-fat dressing and a handful of croutons - about 250 calories total), a couple of handfuls of low calorie potato chips (which my husband REALLY needs to stop buying!!!) and a few bites of my son's pizza slice and soft pretzel at a kid's concert yesterday. Oh, and an extra bar & yogurt each day. Definitely not on a binge but not as conscientous as usual. I'm hoping to be 100% until Thursday and then eat a "portion-controlled" (that is such an unattractive word) meal - trying everything but not going overboard. I'm not going back to GW until Saturday so it will be interesting to see how my weight is. Speaking of which, I "only" lost 2.4 pounds this past week. I say "only" because I was "perfect" and was hoping to lose more. I'm still a little nuts about this, I know. The good news is that I officially hit 75 pounds which brings me to my next topic...

CLOTHES. I went to the Tal.bots outlet (which isn't really outlet-ly but whatever) and they had a great selection of plus-sized clothing. For the first time in 6 years I fit into a size 20. Woohoo! I ended up buying 2 pairs of size 22 pants (more comfortable - the 20 fit but was a little snug) and lots of sweaters & tops that fit really nicely. It was a GREAT FEELING. I'm literally wearing pants again for the first time in SIX YEARS even though, according to my husband, I look at least 10 pounds bigger in them than I do in skirts/dresses. Whatever. They're COMFORTABLE and more appropriate weather-wise.

Last topic - COMMENTS. I receive 1 - 5 comments/compliments on my weight nearly every day. It's strange b/c the people at my work and at A's school have only known me since I've been "morbidly obese" (another remarkably attractive phrase, isn't it?!?). Anyway, they don't know that I was only "that big" for 2-3 years and I'm still "big", for me, at my current weight (but only by 20-40 pounds now, yay!). Some people get sooo excited which is cute and yet disconcerting at times. Usually the comments are benign -- "you look great" -- which I appreciate getting. But some comments - wow. Like when a fellow mom at A's school said that "I look my age" and "more normal" now. REALLY?!? I think it's partially a cultural/language issue and she is the sweetest lady but HOW DO YOU RESPOND TO THAT?!? Also, yesterday I ran into an older woman that I've known my whole life (Evie S.) but haven't seen in years. She said that she didn't recognize me. I'm not sure if this is because I look much better or much worse than the last time she saw me. It really depends on when that was.

Anyway - think that's enough for today. I really should write more often but I usually don't have the time or energy to do so. I'm off ALL WEEK from work for T'giving break... sweeet... so I hope to post again soon. If not, I'm wishing all my readers/supporters a wonderful Turkey Day! =)

status quo

Due to my PMS (which led to a relatively severe salt craving which led to the honey roasted peanuts that my husband has promised never to buy again) and my "overeating" of about 300 calories a day (of yogurts & protein bars), I maintained my weight this week. Of course it's disappointing not to have lost weight but at least I didn't gain.

Now I'm back on plan, 100% for the 2nd day now. And, to be honest, it kinda sucks. It's just hard to be borderline hungry/hungry all.day.long. I've been "holding off eating" as long as I can most of the day and chewing a lot of gum. Hopefully the cravings/hunger will go away soon. it really can be distracting. All I have left today on my program is a protein shake but I really want a yogurt, too. Sigh. I need to stay on, though so I'll deal. Will probably just have some more pickles. As my friend, Christy, says - I'll probably never be able to eat a pickle again after this program!!! 1 month left on Plan A...

Day 2

Strange day.... slept only 4 hours last night so after I dropped A (my 3 year old) off at "camp", I slept most of the day. One way to not get hungry, haha. Anyway, I really didn't feel hungry until a few hours ago. Last night I had an extra protein bar and felt fine after that.

I did crave a Rita's gelato (cookies & cream with vanilla custard - um, YUM) but the craving didn't last too long, thank goodness.

Besides that, doing okay... but hungry now... therefore today is a... 6!