Food is no longer my friend & other updates

Hello all! Happy (very belated) New Year!!! I have missed writing here so much! Been incredibly busy with the holidays, trip to CA, getting back into the routine/work, etc. The good news is that I'm still doing really well with the program. I "celebrated" six months on the program this past weekend and am down 91.6 pounds, officially. Here are some other highlights:

-- Holidays were difficult, in terms of food. I LOVE BAKED GOODS and one of my students baked the most delicious "snowflake" and choc. chip cookies for me - YUM! I had 1-2 little cookies a day and a few "tastes" of other "holiday" foods for a few weeks in December. I even ate very fattening food - but in moderate amounts - at a holiday brunch one morning. It was the most "tempted" I had been since starting the program. My strategy of just having "a little bit" worked, though... this holiday season, at least. Very, very cool.

-- We went to Palm Springs, CA to meet up with my brothers at the end of the month. It was great spending time with them even though A was a MESS being outside of his "comfort zone" (home). He was overtired, overstimulated, overeverything most of the time which caused a ridiculous amount of stress for me. Food-wise, I did great, if I do say so myself. :) I ate out 1-2 meals a day - which I had planned to do - and had protein bars/shakes/yogurt the rest of the time (kinda like Plan B, I imagine). I made HEALTHY CHOICES the entire time (grilled chicken wrap sandwiches, salmon with veggies, frozen yogurt, etc.). It felt really great - eating what I wanted, for the most part - but choosing healthy items. This was HUGE for me (no pun intended) and hopefully a sign of future success of keeping the weight off. Hopefully.

-- I've come to realize that food is no longer my friend - both good & not-so-good news. A has been awesome - for the most part - since we've been back. However, he had a meltdown when I picked him up yesterday. Not sure what it was about - probably need for attention/boredom - but, once again, it really upset me and sent me a mini panic attack. I realized that I didn't want food then or even afterwards, when I was feeling a bit better. I realized that even if I had eaten (binged), it wouldn't have lessened the anxiety I was feeling - well, maybe for a minute but that's about it. I guess food can no longer dull my anxiety and pain. Which is great BUT it was a real comfort for so long... it's like swimming without a lifejacket - or something like that!

I'm running late for work so I need to end this post. I'll be back soon, though! :)

still here...

wow, i have been a blog slacker yet again! so many times i want to post but don't have the energy or i'm in a rush or some other excuse. =)

here's what's new...

- it'll be 4 months on the program in one week. wow. dr. f wants me to continue the modified fasting diet (program a) for another month, though, which i'm totally fine. i plan to take thanksgiving meal off, though - not to binge but to eat with family.

- i had an awesome loss last week - 6.2 pounds - but only .8 oz. this week. not sure if it's b/c i started my period today (i'm.in.SOOOO.much.pain - holy cramp-oli!) or b/c i usually ate extra bars and/or yogurts this week (pms will do that to you) but i'm hoping i'll lose more next week. i'm only .8 oz. away from 70 which i'm looking forward to hitting!

-- my mom was in the ER last night for severe dizziness/vomiting. I.WAS.TERRIFIED beyond words. thank G-d it seems to be benign vertigo (dizziness) with an unknown cause (something to do with her ear?!?) and her CT scan and other tests were fine. i'm doing my best to trust the doctor that it is, indeed, benign. last night was awful - i was really petrified and i'm still a little shaken up from it. when i got home last night, feeling relieved (since the doctor said she should be fine) i was STARVING and wanted to BINGE out of relief. it is my natural soother, so to speak. but i had an extra yogurt instead and eventually calmed down (well, 2 hours later, went to bed at 3:30!). huge sigh. i love my mom more than words can express so it is just so awful to think that something could happen to her. anyway...

-- that's about it for now. will try to update again soon.