really quick post since i don't want to be late to work again... for some reason i have the most motivation to blog in the morning before work when i have literally 2 minutes to do so. anyway, i am plateau-ing for the first time since i began this"adventure" back in july. this is completely of my doing. long story short, i am eating waaaay more calories than i "should" if i were to lose weight. i'm technically still on plan A, which is bars/shakes/yogurts (with carrots & pickles thrown in for good measure:)) but instead of eating 4 servings of each a day, i'm eating 6-8(?) - i usually stop counting after 4! WHY is the big question. not exactly sure of the "answer" but here are some possibilities -
a. hunger - real hunger, not emotional (usually). my typical day begins at 6:30 and ends at 12:30 (or later - gulp) and when you're only eating bars/yogurts, you get HUNGRY every 2-3 hours. of course going to bed earlier would help with this. what doesn't help is that A hasn't been falling asleep until 11 (he's in bed by 10) and wants me with him until he's asleep. since he naps at school he literally can't fall asleep earlier. it kinda sucks. plus, when i'm tired (which is usually all day until i can nap), i tend to feel very hungry (which i read is biologically correct - if you don't get enough sleep, your hunger hormones (cortisol???) is"off".
b. boredom/stress/etc. - definite emotional hunger here. not to the extent where i'm craving junk or binging or anything like that - just craving food. i've been chewing A LOT of gum this month!
c. Dr. P's theory - the GW guru's theory that once you get to a weight that you're more satisfied with, you don't feel the desperation to "diet" as much (don't quote me here on this)... your motivation goes down as your weight goes down or something like that. makes total sense and i know that's what's happening here since this "plateau" started once i hit 100 pounds lost.
d. the "fear of success"/fat dependency, etc. - i don't think this is happening too much with me but it's a possibility as i'm getting smaller.
i would love to start working out but it's hard finding the time! unfortunately i can't go to GW tonight as i'm swamped getting the house ready for my in-laws visit tomorrow (yikes!). thanks for letting me"share" this morning, blog readers. all right, now i'm in a mad rush for work. happy thursday, everyone!!! ;)
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
"ONE-DERFUL"
I got "ONE-DEFUL" news on Thursday -- I'm now in the 100's range! Well, 199.4 but I see the "1"! Yahoo! I am now revealing that I weighed 301.2 pounds when I started out on this journey on July 10... took a while to admit to myself, let alone the blogosphere, that number but i'm proud of how far i've come. i've told some close family & friend members along the way, too. nobody seemed that surprised that i weighed so much. guess it was obvious to everyone - everyone but me, ms. denial. ANYWAY -- hopefully i'll never see that number - or even a "2" - number again!
which may be tricky b/c all i want to do is eat, eat. eat! not junk but something. anything. ugh.
today was a SNOW DAY - awesome, awesome, awesome especially since A had school. we had the morning together and then i finally got to run some errands and catch up on some rest. Nice. i'm off to pick my little love up... more soon!
Oh, yes, I am wearing JEANS in the pic... size 16... SWEEEET! they are Levi's 16W - not sure if i would fit in the "regular" 16's yet... soon, hopefully! my goal is to get into a size 14 "regular"! :) Oh, and my husband is THE WORST PHOTOGRAPHER (sorry, sweetie, but it's true). or maybe i really did look this tired the other day. probably the latter!
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
- sleep + stress = :o(
the title of my post says it all -- not enough sleep PLUS added stress has equaled to an anxious/overwhelmed me. not too terribly surprising, i'm turning to food to self-soothe/regulate my emotions (thank you, GW, for that expression!). fortunately, i'm not binging or even eating anything "off plan" (besides the occasional v-day chocolate yesterday) but i've continued to eat 5-6 proteins bar AND 5-6 yogurts a day instead of my usual 4. as a result, i was up a pound last week (most likely due to water retention from lack of sleep - but still) and i'm more likely maintaining instead of losing. plus (no pun intended!), i feel slightly "out of control" (food-wise) when i'm eating more than i should. some of it is really due to pure hunger and some is more emotional and raw. when i'm tired, i'm literally hungry. and i've been tired A LOT due to my increased work schedule (now working full-time for the 1st time in 4 years) and the fact that A has a cold and has been very clingy (esp. at night - coming in to my bed several times a night) since i started back to work FT. so my numero uno emotion today is EXHAUSTION.
following behind a close 2nd is GUILT... a nasty emotion, one of the therapists noted at GW last week. i feel VERY GUILTY for working FT and not seeing A in the mornings all week (not till 5-6 pm each night). i feel VERY GUILTY for not picking A up earlier at night b/c i try to sneak in a nap (due to the lack of sleep - see numero uno) before picking him up. i also feel guilty for sleeping a lot this weekend (catching up on sleep) instead of being with him more. :( as a result, he was TERRIBLE last night. one of his worst evenings yet. very attention-seeking (such as purposely peeing on the floor), wild (throwing things), not affectionate, yelling, demanding, etc. which of course makes me want to spend even LESS time with him when he is so obviously crying out for MORE time with me. i feel guilty even writing that but it's the truth. I LOVE MY CHILD MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THE WORLD!!! sometimes it's hard, though. and very worrisome when he's acting out so much. :( i'm trying not to overthink it YET since this is still a new transition (the working FT thing) and just hoping for better days/nights ahead.
speaking of which, i need to get ready for work. hopefully i won't jinx it when i say that is going well (knock on wood). last week was School Counselor Week and i received the sweetest cards from my students. my principal bought me a lovely fruit arrangement and attached a really nice note. i do love my job and if i have to work FT, i'm definitely happy to be at my current job. it's the working FT part that's difficult - or, more precisely, NOT having monday & wednesdays "off" that's hard. sigh. all right - will stop complaining now - thanks, whoever is out there reading, for listening to my rants & raves...
one more thing -- on a positive note, my blood work was GREAT last week. all my tests came back normal, i'm not at all anemic anymore (hard to believe i ever chewed ice - such a classic anemia symptom, though), and even my "good" cholesterol is better even though the dr. said that number is "false" since i'm on such a low-calorie diet now. whatever, i'll take whatever good news i can get. :)
following behind a close 2nd is GUILT... a nasty emotion, one of the therapists noted at GW last week. i feel VERY GUILTY for working FT and not seeing A in the mornings all week (not till 5-6 pm each night). i feel VERY GUILTY for not picking A up earlier at night b/c i try to sneak in a nap (due to the lack of sleep - see numero uno) before picking him up. i also feel guilty for sleeping a lot this weekend (catching up on sleep) instead of being with him more. :( as a result, he was TERRIBLE last night. one of his worst evenings yet. very attention-seeking (such as purposely peeing on the floor), wild (throwing things), not affectionate, yelling, demanding, etc. which of course makes me want to spend even LESS time with him when he is so obviously crying out for MORE time with me. i feel guilty even writing that but it's the truth. I LOVE MY CHILD MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THE WORLD!!! sometimes it's hard, though. and very worrisome when he's acting out so much. :( i'm trying not to overthink it YET since this is still a new transition (the working FT thing) and just hoping for better days/nights ahead.
speaking of which, i need to get ready for work. hopefully i won't jinx it when i say that is going well (knock on wood). last week was School Counselor Week and i received the sweetest cards from my students. my principal bought me a lovely fruit arrangement and attached a really nice note. i do love my job and if i have to work FT, i'm definitely happy to be at my current job. it's the working FT part that's difficult - or, more precisely, NOT having monday & wednesdays "off" that's hard. sigh. all right - will stop complaining now - thanks, whoever is out there reading, for listening to my rants & raves...
one more thing -- on a positive note, my blood work was GREAT last week. all my tests came back normal, i'm not at all anemic anymore (hard to believe i ever chewed ice - such a classic anemia symptom, though), and even my "good" cholesterol is better even though the dr. said that number is "false" since i'm on such a low-calorie diet now. whatever, i'll take whatever good news i can get. :)
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
ch-ch-ch-CHANGES
as my post title mentions, i'm going through lots of changes and not just of the weight-loss type. the biggest news is that, starting tomorrow, i'll be working FULL-TIME (5 days a week) instead of 3 days as week like i have been the last 1.5 years. overall, this is a good thing and something i wanted (i think). long story short... i love my job and the school that i'm at... so when my supervisor asked if i was interested working FT now - which, ultimately, should allow me to stay at my current school next year, too - i said i would be. i didn't think it would happen so fast, though. i'm a little nervous about giving up my "2 days off" (which have been heavenly and so crucial for my weight-loss - having time for me) but job security + higher income is always a good thing. i'm hoping to get into a regular routine this way, too. i'm a total night owl so i'm up WAAAY too late most nights... now that i HAVE to get up at 6:30 every morning (as opposed to 8:00 the 2 days i'm off - when A usually wakes up) will force me (hopefully) to get to bed earlier (midnight is my goal) the entire week. i'm also hoping to start to work-out 3-5 days a week and being on a more regular routine should help with that. so we'll say how everything pans out (what a strange expression). at this very moment, i'm super excited that i have another day off (woo-hoo!) due to very minor freezing drizzle. days off are even more special now that i'm working all week. that being said, i hope i don't slid on the ice like i did a few weeks ago, causing a fender bender!!!
in other news, i have begun working out! yay! only once a week - for now - 30 minutes on the treadmill at 3.5 speed (no incline) - definitely taking it slow to begin with - but it feels great. of course, not great enough to raise my motivation to actually go to the gym more but hopefully with my new routine (see above ;)) that will change. my gym is really nice, too, and i'm sick of paying over 100 bucks a month (family membership) since august and literally not going until this month.
oh, i had a big news flash last week - when i'm tired, i am STARVING. it feels like physical hunger but i know if i was rested, i wouldn't get so hungry - so it's kind-of a catch 22. it's left me eating 5-6 proteins/yogurts a day (instead of my usual 4) which caused my weight loss to slow down a bit this week. it also causes me to feel genuine hunger and the need to eat.eat.eat all.day.long. even though i'm only eating protein bars/yogurts for the most part (and not even craving anything else), it's still an uncontrollable feeling, in a way. it also causes me to chew a ridiculous amount of gum each day. i've realized that i can't stand the taste of food in my mouth (after i eat). i must chew gum then. when i used to smoke (i smoked for 5 years and quit 8.5 years ago), i had that same feeling - must smoke after eating. of course, gum chewing is much healthier but still... i'm trying to get rid of all food-type obsessions or whatever you call it.
i went to GW this past saturday morning since the roads were icy this past thursday night. i LOVE going in on saturday (besides having to wake up very early to go in)! i know so many people there now that it's beginning to feel like a real community for me. i love my GW friends and continue to find myself feeling so grateful and appreciative to this program (and not only b/c of the weight-loss)! it's an AMAZING program in every way. speaking of weight loss.... i was 2.8 pounds lighter but it was a morning weigh-in so, in my eyes, i really just plateaued this week. not too surprising considering the extra calories i consumed (on extra proteins/yogurt plus a slice of pizza ) this week. did i mention that our electricity was out for 33 hours during the snow storm last week. yep. not fun.
enough random rambling for this morning... be back soon... hopefully with a "i lost 100 pounds - yahoo!" update - i'm at 98.5 pounds now! so close!
in other news, i have begun working out! yay! only once a week - for now - 30 minutes on the treadmill at 3.5 speed (no incline) - definitely taking it slow to begin with - but it feels great. of course, not great enough to raise my motivation to actually go to the gym more but hopefully with my new routine (see above ;)) that will change. my gym is really nice, too, and i'm sick of paying over 100 bucks a month (family membership) since august and literally not going until this month.
oh, i had a big news flash last week - when i'm tired, i am STARVING. it feels like physical hunger but i know if i was rested, i wouldn't get so hungry - so it's kind-of a catch 22. it's left me eating 5-6 proteins/yogurts a day (instead of my usual 4) which caused my weight loss to slow down a bit this week. it also causes me to feel genuine hunger and the need to eat.eat.eat all.day.long. even though i'm only eating protein bars/yogurts for the most part (and not even craving anything else), it's still an uncontrollable feeling, in a way. it also causes me to chew a ridiculous amount of gum each day. i've realized that i can't stand the taste of food in my mouth (after i eat). i must chew gum then. when i used to smoke (i smoked for 5 years and quit 8.5 years ago), i had that same feeling - must smoke after eating. of course, gum chewing is much healthier but still... i'm trying to get rid of all food-type obsessions or whatever you call it.
i went to GW this past saturday morning since the roads were icy this past thursday night. i LOVE going in on saturday (besides having to wake up very early to go in)! i know so many people there now that it's beginning to feel like a real community for me. i love my GW friends and continue to find myself feeling so grateful and appreciative to this program (and not only b/c of the weight-loss)! it's an AMAZING program in every way. speaking of weight loss.... i was 2.8 pounds lighter but it was a morning weigh-in so, in my eyes, i really just plateaued this week. not too surprising considering the extra calories i consumed (on extra proteins/yogurt plus a slice of pizza ) this week. did i mention that our electricity was out for 33 hours during the snow storm last week. yep. not fun.
enough random rambling for this morning... be back soon... hopefully with a "i lost 100 pounds - yahoo!" update - i'm at 98.5 pounds now! so close!
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