a ridiculous amount of stress :(

i'm ridiculously stressed. and probably a tad depressed (i hate that word), too. so many thoughts twirling around in my head, most (if not all) of them negative. and i hate negativity. some big thoughts like - "my husband and i aren't talking - i think we're really done this time - or at least i am". this is something that i've been feeling off/on (mainly on) for 5 years now. he wants to stay together. ideally, i do, too. but our marriage is so far from ideal that it's almost mind-boggling. more on that another day - it's toodraining to even write about it. then i worry about my kid who's turning 4 (OMG) on monday. is he okay? is he "normal"? i don't know. i wish i had a magic ball that could tell me that he's FINE, that he'll be FINE, etc. etc. etc. but there's no such thing. so i just worry. and feel guilt. lots & lots of guilt. for working so much. for not always being with him when i'm not working (like now when i'm blogging). just a lot of guilt. and sadness. which makes me want to eat. and eat. and eat. and eat. fortunately (?) i've only been eating excess protein bars & yogurts... my pattern for almost 2 months now. which has tremendously slowed down my weight loss. but i am still losing - albeit slowly - and i am thankful for that. i just feel kind-of out of control. not on the outside but definitely on the inside. it's like this overwhelming feeling of anxiety? fatigue? dysthymia (low-grade depression?). it's not that i'm unhappy. it's just i'm not really happy. if that makes sense? for example, i would love to go to GW tomorrow and then take a long nap and then have time with A and then pretend that my husband and i actually still liked each other and hang out. but that's not the plan. sigh. sorry to be so negative, i'm just feeling so ugh. :(